I finally got down to the truth of you and I. All this time I've been hung up on you, it hasn't been love. For all my posturing and bullshit I'm really a small man. Everything that came after us-the sleepless nights, the panic attacks, the blackouts and punched walls-None of that was heartbreak. It was nothing but a bruised ego. Big, hulking, black and blue fucking ego. I thought what you did was betrayal but it was nothing but robbery. You took the self-worth I had and thrashed it, left me effeminized and weak. I don't miss holding you at night because what is that? Just an arm that falls asleep and a shitty night sleep. I don't miss talking to you because you could never hold my attention for more then a minute. I never think about the sex. What was fucking you? 30 seconds of lip-biting inadequacy. I want to feel strong again. Need the validation. Need to be built up.I want to make you feel ugly and stupid and worthless. I want you wondering what I'm doing and who I'm with. I want the control back and that's much harder to come by then some misplaced notion of story-book romance.